Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Street Fighter X Tekken Will Suck Top 4

Welcome to Street Fighter X Tekken Will Suck Top 4 . Why top 4 and not top 5? Because this games not worth the effort. Now this is not the word of god. Everything I say could be wrong. Consider this video to be a parody. A parody that, based on the reception of my last video, [play the beginning of t20rwmvc3ws vid], no one will find funny. Instead people will hate this video so much that they will go to my channel and thumbs down all of my videos! Lets go!

Number 4 - Complicated Battle System

The battle system is complicated. [throw labeled flash cards onto bench, explain it then scoop them in the trash] Selecting gems, activating gems, launchers, super charge, cross rush, tagging, dash cancels, cross cancels, switch cancels, counter hits, counter attacks, EX attacks, super arts, cross arts, cross assault, you get the point, too complicated to explain in this top 4 video. Google Battle system breakdown and watch it yourself. Do it, I’ll wait. [play tick tock music while doing various time wasters, clean the room, eat something, go to bathroom, funny faces] It takes 6 minutes to explain the basic game mechanics. Whats my point? My point is it shouldn’t take 6 minutes to explain basic game mechanics. Basic Starcraft can be explained in 8 words; [flash cards with the following labels almost throw in trash but then place in “KEEP bin, play happy music for a second] Buy workers. Build buildings. Make units. Kill opponent. [wear glasses and read a book while saying:] You have to take a coarse in street fighter cross tekkenology 101 in order to be a beginner.

Number 3 - Pandora Mode

Pandora mode is a part of the battle system but its so ridiculous that it deserves its own spot. When a characters life is low they can be sacrificed in order to activate Pandora mode for the remaining teammate. Pandora mode gives the remaining character increased strength and infinite cross gauge for a short period of time. If they don’t win by the time Pandora mode runs out they will lose. This allows the worse player one last chance to steal the win just like street fighter 4’s ultra gauge. [flash card BULLSHIT “that spells bullshit“] Its like having a chess match but the check mated king gets to flip a coin heads he wins, tails he loses.

Number 2 - Art Style

[draw ugly ryu and ken] Why are ryu and ken so god damned ugly? [draw short neck and but chins] Why is everyone’s neck short and have a butt chin? Why does everyone look like a plastic figurine? [act stiff] Why are clothes so stiff?

Number 1 - Gem System

For those watching SXT closely number 1 should be no surprise with the anti buzz surrounding the Gem System. If you thought Pandora mode was a whopper, wait for this dill weed. The Gem system consists of augmentations you can make to your characters that come into effect when certain conditions are met. Conditions such as getting hit with two super moves in a round. The gems can allow auto blocking, increase walking speed and more. That’s fine and dandy, but here’s the problem. [diagram the gem choices with stacks of 1 dollar bills, explain it then throw the various stacks of dollars into the trash] Players obtain different gems by preordering at different realtors. You can only have all those gems if you buy the special edition. An even more complete set of gems is available by preordering the special edition. There is no option to play ranked online matches without gems. How can a competitive game be taken seriously when some people have more options than others?

I’m not a fan of shoehorning people into preordering. I often steer away from gamestop because I here the word “pre order” after I just wasted 80 bucks on useless shit I don’t need already. Well here’s my verdict. [show dvd case labeled street fighter cross tekken and throw it in the trash]

[play more music]

Video by limpyleg
Script by limpyleg
Music by limpyleg

[he is really good looking]

No comments:

Post a Comment